During my eight week work practicum in the spring of 2011, I had a truly eye opening experience in many ways at New Leaf. Getting to know both the facilitators and clients, as well as external contacts, helped me to gain a more holistic insight as to what New Leaf is really about, and how this agency provides safety and the opportunity to change for the male clients and their families. To better explain my experience, I thought it would be most effective to list my key learning points.
1) One of the first things I was told by the facilitators at New Leaf was to remember that there is always more to the story. The men I worked with at New Leaf often tell the facilitators things that leave us wondering, what’s missing here? I believe that this is probably the case in many different non-profit agencies, especially those that clients are generally mandated to attend. People only disclose the bits and pieces that they want you to know, which may result in rather important facts being left unknown to you. This may be because clients want you to perceive them in a certain way (such as a “good guy”), or perhaps they simply do not realize the importance of full disclosure. This leads me into my second point.
2) People can be very good at manipulation, and the men involved with New Leaf are certainly no exception... they may have even created the standard. In this kind of environment, you have to be very observant and aware of what clients are saying (or not saying) and doing. Sometimes you can catch little hints of their manipulation and continue to try sussing it out further, but other times it can catch you completely off guard. It is these times that knock you slightly off balance, because it redefines what you thought you knew. These men have been practising and perfecting their manipulation skills for years in their personal relationships; I learned to understand that it is not me who is to blame when I am fooled by this
3) To support these men without encouraging or enabling their manipulations, I’ve found that often the best reaction is no reaction. I began to learn that these men can be quite perceptive, and often they may say or do things with the expectation that you will present a particular reaction. Reminding yourself that is it best to give none helps curb the mind games that some of the men may try to play.
4) While there is plenty of manipulation and incomplete information within the client circle at New Leaf, there is also the opportunity for men to change. While safety is a more prominent priority, the opportunity for change is still there. It is a slow and sometimes uncomfortable process, but it seems that there is often a point that these men reach where the resistant shell starts to crack. Of course, this is not the case 100% of the time, but it happens often enough for the facilitators to realize the benefits of this kind of work. Men often initially come in with the idea that “This is just who I am. I’ve been this way my whole life. I can’t change now.” That idea is simply untrue, and there are men of all ages who have gone through New Leaf over the last 25 years who can vouch for that.
5) With the understanding that it is possible to change, it is also important to understand that the men who come to New Leaf are rarely truly bad people; they have simply made some bad choices. These are regular guys; it could be your co-worker, brother, neighbour, father, and so on. They don’t fit the stereotyped “wife beater” image. They aren’t monsters... they look as average as any other man you may encounter on the street. Most of them have regular jobs, friends, houses, and lives. They make poor decisions out of anger, ignorance, or sometimes both. This was a lesson I learned directly from the men... it is this they specifically wanted me and others to know about them.
6) As for myself as a person, I learned that I am more open minded than I ever thought. I didn’t feel disgust or anger at the men like I thought I might after I learned what they had done to their partners. I was able to accept them as they are... probably because I know they have a great opportunity and are in the right place at New Leaf. They look and sound so unbelievably average that I found that I would sometimes have to remind myself why they are there. Going in, I had prepared myself for the bitterness and anger I thought I would experience coming from the men. But they aren’t like that... or at least not usually (of course, there are the exceptions). I was not alienated as a young woman during my student placement, and I rarely felt uncomfortable sitting around the circle with everyone else. I’d probably hate to know what was said during the smoke breaks outside, but for the most part I felt accepted.
Doing my work practicum at New Leaf was a priceless experience for me. I often find myself referring back to lessons I learned there even now that my placement has long since been over. I understand so much more about the men who go to New Leaf and the opportunities they have there for safety and change. I would say that it may not be the right placement for everyone though, as it takes a certain type of person to offer the kind of support the clients at New Leaf need. Perhaps reading my experiences and lessons learned will help you decide if New Leaf is right for you...
best reaction= no reaction is very important to understand in these types of environments... good to learn it young... great experience!!
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