Don't do it!

I drove by a woman sitting on her doorstep wearing pyjama pants in the middle of the day yesterday and it got me to thinking. When I see someone wearing PJs during the day my perception is that there is something negative going on with that person. Sick, depressed, lazy, low self esteem maybe, etc etc. I should also probably clarify that I mostly only think this if I see the person wearing PJs IN PUBLIC. It hardly matters what you wear if you're staying at home all day. Although, I do think it boosts a persons motivation and self image if you take the time to clean yourself up and put on "day-time" clothing. In fact, I think there must really be some scientific correlation there. I once heard that it's important to set up a "study area" for yourself when you're in school because if you just flop on your bed to study, your brain associates that with where you go to sleep, so you tend to be less focused on actually learning. Maybe wearing PJs all day is kind of like that too.

Anyway, I'm sure there are "PJs in public" wearing people out there who would read this and say "There's nothing wrong with me! I just choose to wear this because it's what I'm comfortable in!" but I think those people should probably take a closer look at themselves and their reasons for choosing to wear that specific attire. Also, I think people should perhaps be more aware of their public image for other reasons as well. I doubt it would make you look too good if you came across your boss, potential employer, etc. out somewhere and you were wearing pyjama pants with some kind of animal/food/stripe on them.



I don't even think these are pyjama pants... but they certainly have the same effect...

 

Maybe I should get these ones...?



Ahead of the game.

I love when I realize that I am way more organized and ahead of myself than I thought I was. Maybe you know the feeling. It usually involves a few seconds of concern and dread, and is then promptly followed by the realization and relief that you had prepared yourself properly.

Yesterday I was heading up to Wicker Emporium to pick up a bookcase I have bought the day before. After I had already left my apartment, I thought to myself "Uh oh... did I leave the receipt for the bookcase on the kitchen table after I cleaned out my purse?" I thought I'd better check before I got any further away, so out my wallet comes and I unzip the main compartment only to see the desired receipt neatly folded and placed inside. Relief! And surprise... pleasent surprise because I had already thought further ahead of myself than I expected. I notice these types of incidences happening all the time to me. I'm not sure if it displays the fact that I am sometimes unorganized (because I had to stop and try to remember where the jesus I put the receipt) or rather the fact that I am actually quite organized (because I had the foresight to put the receipt in a convienient place for when I would need it).

Nonetheless, my bookcase is now home and sitting beautifully in the living room about half full with books. Still lots of room to aquire more, although I did just get a Kobo for my birthday from me Mudder and Fadder. I'm sure I will still buy real books from time to time, and even if I don't I have no doubt that I will be buying more than enough textbooks over the next four years to fill the rest of the shelves. Maybe I will even post a picture of my new bookcase for your viewing pleasure later on today!

Do I risk it?

For anyone who has never been in my apartment in person, you should first know that we have a fishtank in our living room that currently has nothing living in it. We used to have two newts (RIP Rodd+Todd), but they died and we have not replaced them with anything since. Sometimes it freaks people out because they wonder what kind of creature is in there and where it's hiding. That part is fairly satisfying for me as the owner.

The point is, I've been thinking about getting some angel fish ever since I saw the two new ones that my mama put in her gigantic tank. The only problem is that Chris has not been agreeable to this. Why? Because he says I have too much of a tendancy to kill things. This is not untrue. Plants, fish, newts, etc. To be fair I do still have some plants that I have not killed yet though. I just find that things get tricky sometimes... I certainly put in the effort... but things happen. I over-water... over-feed... don't make the tank secure so the damn things can not escape, you know... the usual... I just find that pets like cats are easier to care for. It's easier to see when they are sick or hungry/not hungry. Anyway, all this has not deterred me from wanting some new fishies... will have to work on boyfriend some more, I guess.

Does anyone have any suggestions or tips for me on caring for fishies? I could probably use some...!

One good, one bad

Looks like I'm not paying for books this year! Couldn't be happier about this. Managed to get all three books I need from the library. They are an edition behind the current textbooks, but I can deal with that as long as I think about the fact that I'll be saving 350+ dollars. Textbooks are SO overpriced, which I find incredibly unfair considering the fact that everyone knows how poor students usually are. Companies totally take advantage of the fact that students are obligated to somehow buy their product.

On another note, tonight is my first night back working for Sobeys. I tried to avoid it, but it was really the best decision for now. No point starting a new job and dealing with that stress when really I'll only be there for a few more months probably. So back to the grind I go. I really hope no one feels the need to go buy groceries tonight. It's rainy... stay home, snuggle up and eat whatever's already in your cupboard instead of coming to Sobeys and making me do more work than I want to. That's all I ask...

Bitch, get out the way.

FYI, when you're doing 80 on a highway where I can't pass you, don't glare at me as if I'm tailgating you. If road conditions are ideal, I expect you to drive the limit. It's not my fault that you're causing traffic to build up behind you, so don't look at me in your rearview mirror as if it is. Oh yeah, and passing lanes are for PASSING not continuous driving.


Road rage on my first day back at college? Great start to the year, I'd say!

The New Leaf Experience

Now, just to start, New Leaf is a men's intervention program for men who have been abusive in their relationships. I did an eight week placement there where I got to work alongside the facilitators and run the group sessions. The following is a reflection I wrote based on my experiences there.

During my eight week work practicum in the spring of 2011, I had a truly eye opening experience in many ways at New Leaf. Getting to know both the facilitators and clients, as well as external contacts, helped me to gain a more holistic insight as to what New Leaf is really about, and how this agency provides safety and the opportunity to change for the male clients and their families. To better explain my experience, I thought it would be most effective to list my key learning points.

1)      One of the first things I was told by the facilitators at New Leaf was to remember that there is always more to the story. The men I worked with at New Leaf often tell the facilitators things that leave us wondering, what’s missing here? I believe that this is probably the case in many different non-profit agencies, especially those that clients are generally mandated to attend. People only disclose the bits and pieces that they want you to know, which may result in rather important facts being left unknown to you. This may be because clients want you to perceive them in a certain way (such as a “good guy”), or perhaps they simply do not realize the importance of full disclosure. This leads me into my second point.

2)      People can be very good at manipulation, and the men involved with New Leaf are certainly no exception... they may have even created the standard. In this kind of environment, you have to be very observant and aware of what clients are saying (or not saying) and doing. Sometimes you can catch little hints of their manipulation and continue to try sussing it out further, but other times it can catch you completely off guard. It is these times that knock you slightly off balance, because it redefines what you thought you knew. These men have been practising and perfecting their manipulation skills for years in their personal relationships; I learned to understand that it is not me who is to blame when I am fooled by this

3)      To support these men without encouraging or enabling their manipulations, I’ve found that often the best reaction is no reaction. I began to learn that these men can be quite perceptive, and often they may say or do things with the expectation that you will present a particular reaction. Reminding yourself that is it best to give none helps curb the mind games that some of the men may try to play.

4)      While there is plenty of manipulation and incomplete information within the client circle at New Leaf, there is also the opportunity for men to change. While safety is a more prominent priority, the opportunity for change is still there. It is a slow and sometimes uncomfortable process, but it seems that there is often a point that these men reach where the resistant shell starts to crack. Of course, this is not the case 100% of the time, but it happens often enough for the facilitators to realize the benefits of this kind of work. Men often initially come in with the idea that “This is just who I am. I’ve been this way my whole life. I can’t change now.” That idea is simply untrue, and there are men of all ages who have gone through New Leaf over the last 25 years who can vouch for that.

5)      With the understanding that it is possible to change, it is also important to understand that the men who come to New Leaf are rarely truly bad people; they have simply made some bad choices. These are regular guys; it could be your co-worker, brother, neighbour, father, and so on. They don’t fit the stereotyped “wife beater” image. They aren’t monsters... they look as average as any other man you may encounter on the street. Most of them have regular jobs, friends, houses, and lives. They make poor decisions out of anger, ignorance, or sometimes both. This was a lesson I learned directly from the men... it is this they specifically wanted me and others to know about them.

6)      As for myself as a person, I learned that I am more open minded than I ever thought. I didn’t feel disgust or anger at the men like I thought I might after I learned what they had done to their partners. I was able to accept them as they are... probably because I know they have a great opportunity and are in the right place at New Leaf. They look and sound so unbelievably average that I found that I would sometimes have to remind myself why they are there. Going in, I had prepared myself for the bitterness and anger I thought I would experience coming from the men. But they aren’t like that... or at least not usually (of course, there are the exceptions). I was not alienated as a young woman during my student placement, and I rarely felt uncomfortable sitting around the circle with everyone else. I’d probably hate to know what was said during the smoke breaks outside, but for the most part I felt accepted.

                Doing my work practicum at New Leaf was a priceless experience for me. I often find myself referring back to lessons I learned there even now that my placement has long since been over. I understand so much more about the men who go to New Leaf and the opportunities they have there for safety and change. I would say that it may not be the right placement for everyone though, as it takes a certain type of person to offer the kind of support the clients at New Leaf need. Perhaps reading my experiences and lessons learned will help you decide if New Leaf is right for you...

NOOOOO.

August is over, which means summer is over. So sad. I'm really not ready for autumn, winter, and spring yet. I need more quality beach time, but I guess that proooobably won't be happening. Tomorrow is the last day of my summer job, I start my courses next Tuesday, and I also start back to work at Sobeys this month. The only good things are that my birthday is in just under two weeks, Rachel's baby will be coming soon, and in October I will be doing a bit of work for the Women's Centre again facilitating self-esteem groups. Oh yeah, and I renewed my drivers license today and the picture isn't half bad! I've definitely seen worse.

On a another note... I'm trying to figure out the name of a book I loved when I was a kid. I used to get it from the library all the time, but I haven't checked there or asked the librarians about it yet. I have no idea what it's called, but I do know that it was about this little girl mouse who was a new big sister and she called the baby the Peanut. It was hardcover and yellow. Sound familiar at all? Anyone? Darn.

Well, belly's growling so I guess I should scrounge up some lunch for myself. I have a post idea for later, and just to warn you... it's a long one. I wrote a reflection on my experience at New Leaf during my placement, and I thought it might be interesting for people to read.